i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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