I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
