the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
