He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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