trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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