Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
