i think i have two assholes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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