My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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