I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want a musical about memes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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