the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This baby is an asshole
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
