I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wear drunk well.
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