Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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