I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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