I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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