So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
