omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
