my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
