you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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