no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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