I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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