Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
