Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
