Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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