"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
