it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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