He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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