It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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