I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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