Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
there is glitter all over my balls
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
