After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
