4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The uberlube is also flammable
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
