i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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