Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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