I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
