I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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