i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
