I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you win again, gameday.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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