jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
