12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
