my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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