I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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