i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
