from now on my penis is your penis
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
