Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
