Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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