Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
