What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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