White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
