dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
