Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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