He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
