He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
