I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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