Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I have post one night stand depression
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