u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
