I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
