CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
