3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
