So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize