his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
