Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
