My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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