bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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