just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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