My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
